“You are not weak just because your heart feels so heavy. I have never met a heavy heart that wasn’t a phone booth with a red cape inside. Some people will never understand the kind of superpower it takes for some people to just walk outside.”
― Andrea Gibson
I experienced my first panic attack when I was just 8 years old. I continued to have anxiety all throughout my childhood and when I was diagnosed with Endometriosis at the age of 16, the panic got so bad that by the age of 18, I became agoraphobic for two years. I worked with so many different types of doctors and healers for help. For years I had relief but as many of you who suffer from any type of chronic illness (be it physical or mental or both), you know all too well how relief comes and goes. I am 32 now and still suffering from panic attacks and anxiety that sometimes gets so bad I often cannot get out of bed.
I talk a lot about the physical pain that I deal with due to Endometriosis, Fibromyalgia and the complications associated with them, but I don’t talk as much about the utter exhaustion that severe panic and anxiety can cause accompanying these issues. It is like a vicious cycle with chronic pain and anxiety. One makes the other worse and vice versa.
I know what it’s like to feel like the entire world is functioning while you are stuck inside of a terribly stressed and sore body, a tired mind and your nerves are shot. You are so over sensitized that every little thing is just too much. I know what it’s like to feel like just taking a shower is too much effort. I know how it feels to have your heart racing so fast you can hear your heartbeat through your ears, your hands shake so much you can’t hold a cup, you feel the rush of adrenaline down your legs and you fear and question everything. You become convinced you will faint or surely die.
I also know the pain of losing loved ones from suicide. I lost my step-brother Jeff 17 years ago. My cousin Todd two years ago and my half-brother James just last year. There needs to be more awareness. HAVING ANXIETY DOES NOT MAKE YOU WEAK. If anything it makes us stronger. This is why I will continue to be an advocate for all types of Invisible Illness. Please know you are not alone and there is help. Also, remember that healing is an ongoing process. This too shall pass. You’re never alone.
